forever in our hearts and minds.

this last weekend, friends from across the country traveled to phoenix for tone's funeral. i think we were all expecting for the funeral to make it feel more real, but there's still something so surreal about the situation.

it was an unfamiliar feeling for all of us to be together for anything but a celebration. early sunday morning, with our husbands by our side, we gathered at our home for long hugs and bittersweet smiles - all in unfamiliar territory. it was so good to finally be together since hearing the news. it was one of the longest weeks ever and distance between us was almost unbearable. we so needed some time together before having to say goodbye to tone.

a rabbi, friends and family all gathered under the desert sun for tone's beautiful graveside service. through the tears, people spoke of tone's love of life and her vibrant spirit. stories were shared that shed light on the many different ways tone had impacted people throughout each stage of her life.

still at her graveside, tone's dad bill embraced each of us. he sweetly whispered comforting words and told us how much she loved her time at arizona - especially being an alpha phi. with a smile, he told us that he knows many of our stories - even the ones he probably shouldn't. as we all stood together in a circle, he reached into the breast pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out a photo of us college girls wearing crazy hats. the photo already feels dated and now those memories are sweeter than ever before. it was us. together. happy. we all laughed and smiled together.

we did the same with tone's mom, rita. petite like tone with an eerily similar laugh and mannerisms, we told her stories from our travels across the united states and europe together and then we listened as rita told us tone would be so mad if she knew she was telling people her nickname - sarah pie.

as friends and family from each of tone's 29 years reminisced about her, one of the reoccurring themes was how much she loved to help people. she had a "can do" attitude in her own life and genuinely believed that anyone could accomplish what they put their mind to. one particular story was about one of tone's clients who made jewelery. tone happily agreed to wear her creations to help promote her designs. the woman credits tone with giving her the courage to quit her day job to pursue a full time career in jewelery design and production.

before the services, tiffany gave each of us a little token of remembrance that was handmade by that same woman. we each received a dainty gold bracelet with the symbol for infinity - which also resembles the number 8. perfect. we'll forever remember tone. we'll forever miss her and forever be friends... the eight of us.

 we need to remember that life is precious.

just one month ago we were dancing and laughing with tone in las vegas. we voted her "MVP" of the weekend. she arrived full of energy and with a renewed zest for life. she was taking haircuts like a champ and was the good luck charm on the blackjack table. her stories had us laughing so hard we were actually crying. we hadn't seen tone that happy in a long time - she was the very best version of herself and it was wonderful to see. i'll be forever grateful for those moments with tone.

 

some nice news article's about tone's california memorial here, here and here.

thanks to all our family and friends who've reached out to offer their love, support and condolences. it means a lot.

a tribute to tone.

you just assume that you'll grow old with your girlfriends. that you'll go through ups and downs, but they'll always be there. without a doubt you'll be at each other's weddings and you'll become moms together. we just assumed that there'd forever be eight girls on the email chain to plan weekend getaways and share life's updates. and then, something tragic happens, one of your girlfriends is gone and you're left feeling numb. 

on friday, september 14, one of our eight, sarah leaf - better know in our world as "tone" - had her life cut short in a horrible bicycling accident. the news shattered us. each of us in denial, many of the phone calls were silent - girlfriends miles apart just sitting on the line unable to believe the news was true. there's no way this was happening. 

in college, tone quickly earned the reputation in "our group" as the girl who would do anything for anyone. she was nicknamed "sarah two-tone" for her two-toned hair color which was shortened to "tone" - and the name stuck. in fact, many people around campus had no idea that sarah was her given name. thinking back to those college days makes me smile. her dorm room that hosted many of our late nights. her purple caboodle. her love of the Guess brand. me and her driving around in "the beast" singing country music at the top of our lungs. coming home to our alley house and finding her laying out on the front stoop in 100+ heat. her saran-wrapped as a butterfly for halloween. her green decor at our house senior year. me and her playing crazy games of racquetball at the rec. her and colby's old-man-old-lady married relationship. her shaking her booty on the dance floor any chance she got. those four years we all spent together - all day, every day - may have been the happiest in our lives. 

born and raised in arizona, tone always had big dreams of the california lifestyle. after UA graduation, she packed up her little red car, headed west and made her dreams come true. colby and her shacked up in orange county and for tone, it was love at first sight. she loved (my girlfriends can hear her saying this in her voice) her city and took advantage of everything it had to offer. she spent as much time as possible outside... she'd run on the beach and take long walks. she soaked up california - she loved it. she loved her life. it was the life she had always dreamed of.  

not long after settling into her new zip code, tone fueled her passion for health and nutrition. she was incredibly active - running, biking, swimming and training for triathlons with the "tri-divas."  tone dedicated both her personal and professional life to being healthy and helping others achieve the same goals she had. she self-built a professional nutrition consulting business and her success can be credited to her love of helping people. she truly cared about each of her clients and wanted them to feel the best they could. 

i'll forever remember tone for her crazy recipes and homemade health meals. for her quirky independent ways and never-ending list of errands. for her dedication to her family. for her random love of chocolate martinis and short time working at "the bird." for owning and experimenting with her personal style. for her ability to never complain or hold a grudge. for her quiet yet tenacious spirit. for her infectious laughs and insanely amazing back scratches that she was always happy to oblige me with (boy how i'll miss those). i'll miss her lackadaisical attitude and telling the rest of us to relax and, "you guys, it's not a big deal - haha." 

looking through photos i have to smile through the tears. tone's life was cut way too short, but damn did she pack a lot into her 29 years. she really did live it to the fullest. she studied in the south of france and loved to travel. she never missed a girl's weekend or a happy hour. she celebrated each of our milestones with sincerity. the thousands of memories with tone will forever live on in our hearts and minds... the seven of us will make sure of it.

the crazy eight

the eight of us, the night of our university of arizona graduation.

the 8 at the del mar horse races in 2009.

all eight in NYC in 2007.

crammed into jenny's tiny NYC apartment.

all eight of us crammed into a single booth at trident in 2003.

celebrating tone's 22nd birthday in tucson, arizona.

all eight in seattle for shmer & dan's wedding.

all together in phoenix in 2006.

celebrating carlye & jeremy in 2009.

alpha phi pc '01

the eight of us together for a wonderful girl's weekend in manhattan beach. 2010.

acapulco, mexico in 2005.

together in the windy city in spring '09.

the tonehead, stone, tone that we've loved through the years...
i hope these bring back a flood of memories and make you smile.

rest in peace, tone. 

i still can't believe this is real. 

remembering a fabulous woman.

This afternoon I'm on my way to Las Vegas to support my dear Colbs and honor one of the most fabulous women ever... Colby's grandmother Joan. If there ever was a woman who embodied fabulous - it was Joan.

Only 68 with the spunk and fashion sense of a 30-something, Joan wasn't your typical grandma. In fact, we affectionately referred to her as GLAMma and one of my favorite stories sums it all up...

A young family, Colby grew up with Joan in her home parts of her childhood. During a shopping outing when Colby was young, she called out "Grandma" in the store to which Joan quickly replied, "Nicole, when we're in public I'm not your grandmother. Call me Joan."

Love it.

Joan's kids and grand kids were the light of her life. She loved them with all of her heart and wanted the very best for each of them. I experienced this firsthand during Colby's wedding planning. Joan would email and text me on a daily basis to make sure we had everything covered for Colby's bridal shower - nothing was too over the top or too much to make sure the day was perfect for her Colbs. And then a few months later when 20 of us girls landed in Las Vegas for Colby's bachelorette party, Joan zipped over to the hotel with tons of supplies and goodies to make sure the weekend was extra special. She had a huge heart and just loved being part of the action. She'd sit and chat it up with all us girls - with her Illinois accent - all night long over wine and martinis when she could. She torn up the dance floor and Colby and Jake's wedding in her gorgeous black gown. And I've heard countless stories of Joan being the one to keep her grandkids out in Las Vegas until the sun came up (not the other way around)!

She's an enormous part of who Susan, Colby and Ashton are... if you've seen them together it's almost uncanny - the voices, the gestures and attitudes. Joan's the gal who taught them the ins-and-outs of being a wife and mother and those things will continue to be passed on for generations of fabulous women to come.  

Joan lit up the lives of every one she touched and her spunk continued until she passed away from cancer last Sunday, April 1. She will be forever missed by every one who knew her. Rest in peace, Joan.

{sequins for the grandma of the bride during Nicole & Jake's wedding weekend last October)

{Joan looking gorgeous at Colby's bridal shower last August}

{the Hallan women... Joan, Ashton, Colby & Susan + Teri}

{Joan joined us for a night out with the girls in Newport Beach last August}

{just one of the ladies}

{look at those heels! that's true GLAMma status}

{Joan wouldn't have missed Colby's bachelorette party in Vegas for anything! She met us for a martini}

{Danny and the family at Nicole & Jake's rehearsal dinner}

{Joan gettin' sassy with Jake... love that look}

{looking stunning in her black gown at colby & jake's wedding}

{Joan bustin' a move on the dance floor at Colby & Jake's wedding reception in October}

{Joan gettin' glammed up and ready to be the grandmother of the bride}

{love}

{Joan with her daughter Susan, granddaughter Ashton and Ashton's BFF}

Cancer Sucks. It's plain and simple. I get so angry when I think about the wonderful lives it's ended too soon. For me, even when I've been told the prognosis, there's that reasonable doubt that keeps you positive. The thought that this person will beat the odds and be that miracle story. You convince yourself that you've grasped reality, but you really haven't. Not until that person actually passes away. And then, it hits me like a ton of bricks. It's like all those tears you've just tucked away can finally flow. More of my feelings on loss in the various posts here.

giving back.

It feels good to give back. We try to do little things. Like using reusable bags at the grocery (yup, we do each time), participating in charity walks, saying yes to the extra $1 at the market, volunteering for non-profits, switching to CFL lightbulbs and donating old clothes and household items.

One of my favorite traditions are Hunter and Sydney's annual birthday gifts. Each year on their birthday, we make a donation in their honor to the French Bulldog Rescue Network, a national organization dedicated to rescuing, rehabilitating and re-homing Frenchies. We'll forever make these donations to celebrate our past, present and future pig's birthdays.


It's not birthday time but we recently made two donations to the FBRN - one for an adorable foster Frenchie with a toe-nibbling addiction (it only seemed fitting) and another in loving memory of Miss Syd that will forever stay on the Memorial & Tribute wall.

We encourage you to find the causes you're passionate about and support them how you can. There are lots of ways you can give back.

Want to give back but don't know where to start? Check out this website Volunteer Match to find volunteer opportunities in your town. 

life and loss.

The past couple months we've been hit hard by the reality that death is a part of life. It sucks. It's hard. And there never seems to be a good explanation - especially lately. Each death has hit close to home and all the lives have been taken way too soon... Erica's wonderful mom, our little Sydney baby, a close friend of Jared's, and this morning we're attending a memorial after a tragic and unexpected loss of Danny's friend and co-worker, a young & healthy husband and father of three.

We have a hard time with death. The unknown of it. The unexpectedness and feeling of helplessness of the situation. The why us? Why them? The what if's? The pain thinking about the families left behind. The waves of emotion... first the shock and pain and then the sadness as things slow down and the reality of the loss sets in. I keep telling Danny that I wish the "gig was up" and we could just have Syd back now. 

As we sit and think about all these losses we try to find peace in them. But how? The old "everything happens for a reason" explanation just doesn't cut it lately. For us, each loss has encouraged us to take a good look at our life and we encourage you to do the same. More than ever before, we truly believe that life is a gift and it can end at any time without any forewarning - so live it up.

Stop waiting to live your life. Go give your loved ones a hug. Let go of the grudges you're holding. Book that vacation you've always wanted to take. Splurge and have dessert tonight. Go surprise an old friend or relative with a visit. Dance. Avoid unnecessary stresses. Don't take your work home with you. Spend your bonus check on something fun. Make time for your hobbies and the things you love. Laugh. Focus on good.

Lately, none of this sounds cliche anymore.

a dog's purpose.

...from a 6-year-old child.

"People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?' "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Live simply. 

Love generously. 

Care deeply. 

Speak kindly. 

If a dog was the teacher, we'd learn things like...

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. 

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy-ride. 

Allow fresh air and wind in your face to be thrilling. 

Take naps. 

Stretch before rising. 

Run, romp and play daily. 

Thrive on attention and let people touch you. 

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. 

On warm days, stop to lie on your back in the grass. 

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. 

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. 

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. 

Be loyal. 

Never pretend to be something you're not. 

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, listen and nuzzle them gently. 

remembering sydney.

Our sweet little Sydney peacefully passed away on September 8th.

For the past 10 weeks she fought a tough battle, but in the end it was just too much for her little body to handle and she just couldn't hold on any longer. 

We genuinely believed she'd pull through. We are heartbroken, and just not for us, but for Hunter who's lost his best friend and for our baby girl who had to go through so much at such a young age. Our hearts are heavy as we try to focus on the wonderful three and a half years we had with our special blond frenchie. Her larger-than-life personality and spunky attitude brought everyone around her tremendous amounts of laughs and joy. I recently heard this quote and think it perfectly applies to Syd... "those who burn twice as bright, burn half as long."

My dad was with us and provided tons of comfort during this difficult time. He believes Syd's short but full life was to serve as a reminder that life is truly precious and we must live our lives to the fullest. We must take photos and videos with friends, family members and loved ones when we're with them because there isn't a guaranteed next time. We're reminded to capture and cherish even ordinary days and moments. Syd reminds us to never take a healthy day for granted. We must hug, kiss, cuddle, spoil and reach out to our loved ones every day we can. We must live for the now and realize that later is a blessing. 

During our final goodbyes, we promised our Baby Tank that even if it makes us sad, we'll never stop talking about her and remembering all the little things we loved about her. That includes the blog... I've tagged this as the first "Remembering Our Syd" post and plan to keep them coming (even though they sting right now). 

Just 10 weeks ago, we wrote this post about our Sweet Sydney's favorite things and our favorite things about her. Reading it now makes us laugh, cry and so glad that we have these memories and hundreds more all captured in photographs and videos. 

We can't thank everyone enough for the prayers, love and support for Sydney and our family. The phone calls, text messages, e-mails and hugs mean a lot. To Dr. Bracken, Dr. Rosonke and Dr. Hoffman - thank you for being there for us and Syd around the clock. We know each of you formed a bond with our special little girl and did everything you could for her.

Sydney, thank you for bringing so much joy and happiness to our family.  We love you more than you know and you'll always be a part of our family and hold a special place in our hearts.  We will never forget you.
Love,
Dad, Mom & Brother

...remembering sydney lyddle...

january 23, 2007 - september 8, 2010

{her favorite sitting position. our lil hamlet}

{just another sunday morning spooning her big brother}

{san diego for our engagement photos. she was soooo cold}

{with daddy at grandma & grandpa bockting's house}

{mother's day 2010}

{do you think my ears look big?}

{happy puppy girl in 2007}

{she looooved giving kisses aka sneak attacks...}

{...and we loved giving them right back to her}

{sydney's favorite toy - squeaky alien}

{the heart tag we had designed for her}

{batman & robin. best friends}

{syd's AYSO soccer photo. her favorite yellow ball}

{lil bunny rabbit naptime after a long day hiking in pinetop}

{her first halloween ... little fairy princess}

{it was love at first sight with her and daddy}

{our teeny, tiny piglet}

{best friends on a mission}

{silly girl. so drama.}

{do you like my scarf mom?}

{her piglet we brought back from our honeymoon in london}

{big head, little head}

{loved to cuddle with her dad. hugging him so tightly}

{always a huge help with housework}

{summer sunning on the patio with mom}

{guess she's good for a headrest}

{daddy's little angel}

{french kissers}

{"the raft" where d & i swapped off sleeping with her while she was ill}

{daddy's little piglets}

{hunter showing his lil sister about his favorite spot - top step}

{she's soooo tired}

{our perfect lil walker. loved her neighborhood walks with mom}

We Love & Miss You Terribly, Syd!
xoxo