Wednesday, October 24, 2012

the trick for an actual date night.


over a glass of wine one night, a girlfriend and i got to talking about the types of conversations we have with our husbands, and she told me about something they'd learned during a church marriage class. i found it incredibly insightful and it's been something that's stuck with me.

there's a big difference between a dinner out and a date night.
and it's all about the conversation.

next time you're out with your significant other and you want it to be a date night, you absolutely can't talk about any "task" related topics (even if you think you enjoy talking about them)... these topics include but are not limited to:
-- the honey-do home project that needs to get done
-- the flights you need to book
-- either person's job, boss, morning meeting or next big project
-- the dogs, cats, kids or fish
-- the budget, credit cards, bank account, savings account
-- must do's like the oil change, gym, dry cleaning or  "thing" to buy/sell

when you think about it... early on in relationships, a date night is all about getting to know someone a little bit better. it's the thrill of learning something new and just because you've been together for years doesn't mean this should change. date night topics might include:
-- sharing your favorite new song, band or Pandora station
-- a new hobby or class that you're interested in pursuing
-- complimenting the other person on something you've recently noticed
-- sharing an interesting news article that you read that day
-- planning a dream vacation or scheduling the next date night (and budget / time off / the kids schedule isn't factored in)

with crazy work and personal schedules, its easy to understand why seemingly frivolous conversations are replaced with agenda-driven dinnertimes, but it is crucial to continue to grow and change with your partner. to keep the spark alive. to remain interested in their ever-changing personal interests and hobbies and know they're interested in yours. you don't want to wake-up one day and realize that you just assumed your partner's favorite song, restaurant and color was still the same as when you met them. we need to remember to ask and share.

in making a conscious effort to do this, it has encouraged both of us to stay more interested and to bring fresh topics to the table. i've even jotted down topics or thoughts throughout the workday to save and share over dinner. it sounds silly, but you don't realize how guilty we all are of redundant "deadline" driven conversations until you're forced to find something fresh to talk about.

try it. it's hard, but fun and leaves you feeling more connected than just checking to-do's off the list before the bill comes. 

it's pretty intimate. 

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